Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd
Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I must be out of my mind.

Here’s what I’ve learned from constantly “trying it one more time” with my ex (John Barber). I did it and learn't my lesson but you don’t have to....see if what I write below matches up with your circumstances...

1. There is no “courting” phase, or “honeymoon period.” All the cute stuff he did when he first met you isn’t quite the same the second…or third…or fourth time around. He knows you. He doesn’t need to impress you. He’s not trying to win you over. He isn’t always going to text you first.

2. All those memories you had that you reminisced on when you two broke up…well, you’ve been looking back with rose-coloured glasses. Everything wasn’t as awesome as you thought. He isn’t as funny as you remember. His angry face isn’t as cute as you thought it was. He’s not nearly as understanding. Those small little things he did that only “kinda, sorta bothered you” now grate on your every nerve. You start wondering if you can kill him and make it look like an accident.

3. There are a lot of promises about how “this time, it’ll be different.” It might be…but it probably won’t be, along with The promises that he's changed and there is only one person for him that he loves and always has and will. He never meant to hurt you and his kids blah blah blah - it’s bullshit.

4. You aren’t as tolerant. The same way as how he might not laugh as hard at your jokes is the same way you feel when he talks about how stressful his job is, how his life is so hard, how his family disowned him. At first, you were understanding and supportive. Now you’re rolling your eyes and muttering “get your shit together” under your breath you selfish pig.

5. Every time he doesn’t react how he use to, you’re upset that he’s changed. And every time he does the same shit he used to, you’re upset that he’s still the same.

6. His stupid-ass friends are still around. WHY are they still around? Between the drunks, the pothead, and the guy who think's he's Jesus reincarnated or a werewolf, you don’t even know why your ex hangs out with these losers.

7. His promises of how things will be different “in the future” don’t carry the same weight. It is the future and shit is looking real bleak - just the same as it was before.

8. Your friends don’t want to hear about it any more. You’ve taken him back countless times for years. They’re bored of hearing it. They roll their eyes when you talk. They’ve taken to calling your ex “that prick??”

9. He use to be “the one that I’m going to marry” and slowly, he’s become “I mean…maybe we just aren’t meant to be, you know? If we’re meant to be, we should be happy together. But maybe we’ve grown apart? Like…does he even KNOW me anymore?”

10. Just because you've seen ex's get back together and seen things work out between them and they go on to get married, kids - the whole shabuzzle, doesn't mean you won't ever find your perfect man. My ex and your ex obviously are NOT our perfect man but believe you, me....he's out there!Somewhere!

Exes are important because they teach you things. In each relationship you’ve been in, you’ve learned how to deal with other people, be compassionate, how to put someone else’s needs before your own, and most importantly, what you are and are not looking for in a partner. However, you can’t use any of this knowledge that you worked so very hard for if you’re always reliving the same relationship. So let go. It might be hard at first, but I promise, there’s better and more for you out there. You’re ex isn’t it.

My lovely Valentines Day flowers from John

My lovely Valentines Day flowers from John

Addicted to porn



The Stages of Pornography Addiction









The progression of addiction can lead you to a place you never thought you'd go.


Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted to it. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage and children. That kind of damage is bad enough. And porn isn't the only ingredient in addiction. Usually, those who become addicted have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really take root.
The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. An addicted customer keeps coming back for more. And so they fill their porn with images that will excite you, arouse you and get the hormones flowing. You don't have to shoot up any drug with a needle to get addicted to porn — your body will make its own drugs just by looking at the pictures. Dr. Victor Cline says that sex and pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine.



Five Stages of Addiction

  1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.
  2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.
  3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
  4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.
  5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.


Are You Addicted?

Some of you reading this may have already developed an addiction to porn. If you see any of the patterns I've described above in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn beginning to control your life?

  • You can't put it down — you keep going back for more? 
  • Perhaps you find yourself needing to see increasingly graphic pornography. 
  • You're masturbating more and more often. 
  • You're starting to take risks or act out physically for sexual thrills. 


 If you see yourself at any point on this progression, you are in serious trouble, and you need to realize it — and get help.

Hope this helps your porn addiction John -


www.pornaddictsanonymous.org

Psychology of Men Struggling with Internet Porn




Those struggling with porn addiction or sex addiction turn to porn for a variety of reasons masking depression, anxiety and financial or professional stress, but all get the same chemical pay-off. Addiction to porn is just as real as other addictions: drugs, gambling and alcohol.  The chemicals in the porn addict brain - adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin - are strong enough to cause withdrawal symptoms in some men. Addicts report the sensation of viewing porn is a concentrated version of the rush you feel when you are first in love and intimate. Over time, the porn addicted brain will become over-reliant on receiving another dose of mood-altering chemicals producing to urge to surf. If a user becomes compulsive with online activity to produce a change in mood, porn addiction is born.

Many become lost in the action of surfing for images. It is a safe fantasy world full of excitement, flirting and imagining being in the action on screen.  When in this state, porn addicts can feel a sense of peace, contentment and control over their environment.  It is possible they may not have an orgasm or even get an erection. Many porn addicts report they are able to easily surf for three to four hours daily.   That’s 21 to 28 hours a week…the equivalent of a part time job!  If you combine this schedule with existing obligations of an average employed American male –  8-9 hours on the job, 8 hours sleeping, 1 hour commuting – that leaves only 2-3 hours of free time each day to interact with wives or significant others.  Some porn addicts report increased daily use of up to 5-6 hours a day.  For these seriously addicted men, this level could mean surfing for porn during every available moment of their day. It is no wonder the sex lives of these addicts diminish or cease altogether and the partners feel abandoned and isolated.
Most men facing problems with porn claim they are more sexual than the average person thereby rationalizing their need to rely upon porn. In most cases their sexual batteries are charged up because of their behaviour, focusing on the sex act for many hours a day, and not their genetics.


 Initially a user may be satisfied viewing soft versions of pornography. Viewed over time, the level of arousal begins to decline which leads addicts to look for more explicit materials to maintain the sexual charge they seek. Addicts understand their actions are shameful and could lead to them to acting out in a downward spiral. Some may expand their activities to visiting strip clubs, massage parlours, prostitutes or downloading gay or child pornography. Some porn sites attempt to become more interactive to further engage them. One big draw is live women - sites featuring live women on web cams performing very explicit sexual acts. Others offer posting of nude photos and the ability for a user to email other  women – both locally and out of area.

Over time it is possible for a porn addict to blur the lines of reality and the online porn world.

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